Canada: Very Little News from the Northland

Many people are unaware of this, but, officially, from June 3, 1896 to March 28, 1928, nothing happened in Canada. Not a thing. There literally was no news. It actually set a record for the longest period in human history where, among a given population, no newsworthy event of note occured. (The prior record of 23 years, 4 months and 5 days was set by Finland.) For more than 30 years, all across Canada, the newspapers printed blank sheets of paper; (no ink, they just ran paper through the presses and packed them up for delivery).

The "newsless period" was only broken on the morning of March 28, 1928, when Lady Tweedsmuir accidently dropped half a buttered scone on the head of a seated Prime Minister Mackenzie King. The resulting embarassment almost forced a Parliamentary election, but for the fact that the newsless period had almost entirely depopulated Canada of journalists, and there was no one to write the scandal up.

Canada has had several other periods where nothing happened for extended periods of time. Professor Oliver Heepheeppatah of Ryerson has published a theory that short intervals of nothing happening occur irregularly and simultaneously across Canada on an almost continuous basis. And that, therefore, it is literally true to state that "in Canada there's always nothing happening somewhere." Others, however, claim that Heepheeppatah should not be taken seriously because he has almost certainly been boozing again.

If a future period of nothing happening Canada-wide breaks out, we promise not to report it until after things begin to happen again.

Cuil

I don't like it.

First, it doesn't seem to recognize anything. It can't find "The American Minerva." Now, we may overestimate the importance of The American Minerva, but Google finds it. Second, the three column article layout is not conducive to seeing a lot of hits.

And third, the name is stupid.

Cuil, not cool. Indeed.

Base Camp, Archaeological Expedition to Vermont, (I - 2008)

Praying to Al Haig

I was told, by a woman that overheard, that once when I was deeply asleep, I sat bolt upright and said in my sleep, very calmly and firmly, "I do what I can, with what I have, I do what I can;—that, and pray to Al Haig."

I assume she misheard that last bit.

But I'll always wonder what it was I really said instead of 'Al Haig'.